You're my little dorito
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
