I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
