I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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