I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need moral support for this bender
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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