Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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