I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
