You're my little dorito
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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