I wish I only lived at night.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
