My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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