That's when you crack a 10am beer
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
