I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
