I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
