only you would photoshop your dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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