I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
