10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
