just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
