Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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