did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
