Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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