Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
