Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
