I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
