So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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