i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The struggles of a small town man whore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
