the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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