did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
