my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
