Swine flu. Run for my life!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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