explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
