Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
