so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
