idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
