im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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