I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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