nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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