Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
