She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
COCAINE IS GR8
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
