everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
