So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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