So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
