You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't deserve a penis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
