sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dignity is for republicans.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
