apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
