you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We are all done wearing pants today
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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