He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
