Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
