I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
