I just gift wrapped bread.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize