Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i now understand why vodka
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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