Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
