Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
