I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There r osticjed everywhere
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
