Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
