I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
