She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
