i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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