he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
this hospital has no fireball
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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