he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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