***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
