Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
