big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
