My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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