Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
