May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
