yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
