So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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