the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
