Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
