If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
