I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
