So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
