i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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