sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
