Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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