my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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