Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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