Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
