I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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