YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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