Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
